BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL
From Andy Griffith’s bucolic Mayberry, N.C., to the Simpsons’ where-in-the-world-is Springfield, television is a wonderland of fictional towns. You’d think with it being entertainment and all, they’d come up with more entertaining names.
I’ll overlook drama series in this case; they’re supposed to be serious. But when it comes to cartoons and comedies, I want my made-up municipalities to sound like fun places, places I’d want to visit in real life. Sure, you get the occasional Quahog (“Family Guy”) or Bikini Bottom (“SpongeBob SquarePants”), but even animated towns are becoming anything but. Why can’t “King of the Hill” be set in, say, Bubba’s Rump, Texas, instead of – yawn – Arlen?
Even the melodramatic milieu of soap operas is dominated by drably dubbed burgs like Pine Valley, Pa. (“All My Children”), where I’ve not seen a single pine except at Christmas, though the town does boast its very own ocean – despite being located in the middle of the state. (Apparently, passing geography isn’t a prerequisite for becoming a soap writer.)
If TV writers are running out of ideas for colorful backdrops, I’ve got a solution: Get thee to an Atlas. This timeless book of maps yields more unusual names than you can shake a script at. Wouldn’t you be more intrigued by a show set in Rough and Ready, Calif., than Sunnyvale? Who knows - maybe “Northern Exposure” would still be on the air if it took place in Manley Hot Springs, Alaska, instead of Cicely.
Picture this: A prime-time roster of programs of with similarly themed settings. You could visit the denizens of Butts, Ga., Fannie, Ark., and Moon, Pa. If you prefer sports-related sitcoms, you could spend an evening with the folks in Umpire, Ariz., Centerfield, Ohio, and Ball Ground, Ga. For legal drama fans, there’d be courtroom battles in Lawyersville, N.Y., and Justice, Ill.
Imagine if the nightly lineup featured shows set in:
* Mummie, Ky., and Egypt, Maine.
* Lolita, Texas, and Vixen, La.
* Opportunity, Mont., and Last Chance, Colo.
* Santa Claus, Ga., North Pole, N.Y., and Big Chimney, W.Va.
* Lickskillet, Ky., and Frying Pan Landing, N.C.
* Intercourse, Pa., and Protection, Kan.
* Energy, Ill., Power, Idaho, and Electric City, Wash.
* What Cheer, Iowa, Happy Corner, N.H., and Carefree, Ariz.
* Why, Ariz., and Whynot, Miss.
* Beggs, Okla., and Panhandle, Texas.
* Chicken, Alaska, and Rice, Kan.
* Peculiar, Mo., and Odd, W.Va.
* Marco, Fla., and Polo, Ill.
* Friendship, Maine, and Social Circle, Ga.
* Rollingstone, Minn., and Moss, Miss.
* LaVerne, Calif., and Shirley, Mass.
* Riddle, Ore., and Enigma, Ga.
* Romance, Ark., and Loving, Texas.
* Gas, Kan., and Belchertown, Mass.
* Mexican Water, Ariz., and Los Baños, Calif.
* Cowlic, Ariz., and Brush, Colo.
* Mayo, Fla., and Sandwich, Mass.
* Coldfoot, Ark., and Shoemakersville, Pa.
* Parchment, Mich., and Ink, Ark.
* Mars, Pa., and Jupiter, Fla.
* Coffee, Ala., Toast, N.C., Two Egg., Fla., and Bacon, Ind.
If TV writers insist on sticking with boring, normal town names, let’s hope those names are Boring, Md., and Normal, Ill.
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