ONLY HER SURGEON NOSE FOR SURE

By BELINDA M. PASCHAL
While many singers avoid cosmetic facial surgery because it might irreversibly alter their voices, Ashlee Simpson is rumored to have gone under the knife anyway. Recent pictures of her sans the small bump that made her nose distinctive suggest the rumors are nothing to sneeze at.
She's also gone back to her natural blonde. I will concede that she's significantly cuter than she was a year or two ago, when she looked frighteningly like the love child of Gomer Pyle and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. However, the changes in her appearance have led me to a rather disturbing suspicion: Ashlee Simpson is gradually morphing into her sister Jessica.
At the rate she’s Jessifying, she may have to modify the chorus of her hit, Boyfriend, to: Hey, how long till the music drowns you out?/Don’t put words up in my mouth/I didn’t steal your boyfriend … just your face.
I’m tellin’ ya, all she needs is an ex-boy band husband and she will have completely assumed her elder sib's identity. She's starting to look more like Jessica than Jessica does! Come to think of it, when's the last time anyone’s seen Jess in public? Hmm.
Initially, Ashlee denied the nose-job rumors, despite "before" and "after" photographic evidence to the contrary. The difference is as plain as ... well, the nose on her face. Later, she laughed off the speculation by stating, "Everybody's already saying it, so I just don't talk about it. I'm like, OK, whatever. It doesn't bother me."
Hey, maybe she, like, totally got, like, a nose job because her much-publicized acid reflux or whatever was, like, eating away at her septum. (And causing spontaneous outbursts of lip-synching on live television.)
I honestly believe Ashlee's goal is to become totally Jessified, then surpass her sister on the Ladder of Sexy. In April, she boasted that she's ''hotter" than Jessica, telling Scotland's Daily Record: "I'm taller than … and my legs are longer … I got lucky because my chest size isn't completely massive."
Ah, but, my dear, the very reason you have attained The Hotness is because you look like your sister now. Tsk, tsk. Don't bite the face that feeds you, Ash.
Sadly, it's not difficult to be hotter than Simpson the Elder at the moment. Make no mistake– I think Big Sis trumps Li'l Sis in both the looks and talent departments. (Yes, I mentioned Jessica Simpson and talent in the same sentence. Sue me.) But since her breakup with Nick Lachey, she's been looking a little ... well ... let's just say she's a black wig away from being mistaken for the old Ashlee.
But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's not Jessica whose place Ashlee is trying to take. If you close one eye and squint with the other, she does bear an uncanny resemblance to Kirk Douglas. Or maybe she's impersonating Paris Hilton.
If that's the case, all she has to do is replace her brain with a small crayon drawing of a brain.