WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE

BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL
Anarchy in the playroom! God save the Beanie Babies! Never Mind the Barbies … Here’s the Sex Pistols!
Whether you view them as punk revolutionaries, a masterwork of sensationalism or the greatest scam on Earth, the Sex Pistols undeniably carved their own distinctive niche in the rock’n’roll landscape. Now they’re making their mark in the toy industry.
You can relive the days of mile-high mohawks and strategically placed safety pins with Medicom’s 30th anniversary commemorative Sex Pistols Kubrick figurines. The Japanese toy maker has given the Pistols the cute treatment, creating a limited-edition, four-piece set that goes for 42 to 60 bucks a pop at sites including http://www.funkyzilla.com and www.sweatyfrog.com.
Kubricks, by the way, are block-figure collectibles, generally 2½ to 3 inches tall. Each figure starts from the same basic blocky body, and different heads, body attachment and paint jobs are used to recreate any character. There are Kubricks of music groups, companies and organizations, as well as anime, television and movie characters – Star Wars is on its sixth series of collectibles.
What better way to memorialize to a band created by hype and hawked like the pre-fabricated product that it was? Besides, nothing says "rebel" like cuddling your very own Sid Vicious doll.
If you’re not a fan or toy collector, buy ‘em for the kids. Throw in a set of Sesame Street Kubricks and voila – Celebrity Death Match! Oscar the Grouch would give Johnny Rotten a run for his money, plus they have the same hairstyle. Or display them on your desk to show your coworkers there’s still an iota of the anti-establishment maverick you used to be, before you were forced to bow down to The Man in order to make a decent living.
Obviously, celebrity dolls are not a new concept, but for the most part, they don’t do anything. What if they truly reflected the personalities and behaviors of the people they represent? It would give a whole new meaning to "action figure." I can see it now: An 11-inch replica of Tom Cruise with turbo-action, spring-loaded feet – perfect for spontaneous couch-jumping! Or a model of Naomi Campbell – wind her arm up and watch her throw a telephone! Buy one and get the phone-chucking Russell Crowe figure at half-price!
Just imagine these dolls arriving fresh off the assembly line:
* Michael Jackson, King of Pop figure: Grows progressively whiter with age! Accessories include penny loafers, one glittery glove, red pleather zipper jacket and an assortment of attachable noses. Veiled children dolls sold separately.
* The Jolie-Pitt Clan: Mommy Angelina and Daddy Brad form their own little United Nations with babies Maddox, Zahara and Shiloh! Comes with: Extra car seats, as family is likely to expand. Pro: They’re awfully purty to look at. Con: You’ll soon get tired of looking at them.
* The Britney, Sean P. and Baby-to-Be Makes Three Playset: Hear lifelike Britney chirp, "Oops, I dropped him again!" and "It was the nanny’s fault, y’all!" Comes with collapsible high chair.
The set would not include a Kevin Federline doll, as it would make sales plummet even lower than his so-bad-you-gotta-laugh single, PopoZão.