GOT URKEL?

By BELINDA M. PASCHAL
RECOVERING URKEL-HOLIC
It’s a pretty good indication that a celebrity’s career has hit the skids when: a) Their name is follows the words VH1: Behind the Music; b) They’re on a 3 a.m. infomercial pimping stepladders for dogs and products with names like Stink-B-Gon; c) They’re constantly mistaken for Gary Coleman, even though they’re female. And Caucasian.
Well, Jaleel White – better known as "Steve Urkel" – isn’t a faded rock star, hasn’t hit the infomercial circuit, and is too tall to be mistaken for Gary Coleman. So where is he? When a star falls out of the public eye, speculations start flying, the usual options being "rehab," "mall security guard" or "dead."
In White’s case, the final option is reputed to be his final destination. The most popular nerd of the last decade allegedly has gone on to that great big Geek Convention in the sky, according to a story currently traveling the email circuit: "Following the cancellation of Family Matters in 1997, friends claim White became obsessed with the character and grew despondent … neighbor and friend Bradley Spencer alerted police after hearing what he described as ‘a loud bang’ coming from White's Los Angeles apartment," the story reports.
"Authorities state that upon entering the home they discovered a young African-American male with an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Also found was a note, which read simply, ‘Did I do that?’ – a popular catchphrase from the show."
Now hold on, Urkelmaniacs, don’t get your high-water britches in a knot! The story is a hoax – a poorly executed one, at that. For one thing, Family Matters ended in 1998, not 1997. Had the "writer" done a little homework (It’s called fact-checking, nimrod. Look into it.), he/she would know that White recently finished two upcoming films – no easy feat if you’re dead. Unless you’re starring in a remake of Weekend at Bernie’s.
If he’s now a member of the corpse corps, how to explain the blog White maintains for NBA.com? I’ve heard of ghostwriters, but never in the literal sense!
We haven’t seen much of His Urkelness in the last eight years – during which he graduated from UCLA’s film school – but he’s been working quite steadily, including producing/starring in a short-lived UPN sitcom and providing the voice of Sonic the Hedgehog.
Gossip grapevines also report spotting White a couple weeks ago partying with the bunnies at the Playboy Mansion. Eat your heart out, Arnold Horshack!
Fabrications about the demise of young celebrities are nothing new. There was the now-legendary "Paul (McCartney) is Dead" hullabaloo of the late ’60s, and just last year, Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder shook hands with the Grim Reaper either during a car accident or a cocaine overdose, depending on the source. When asked if he was aware of the hoax, Heder told a reporter, "Yeah, and apparently it's not true." His film alter ego would have said it better: "Ugh! Freakin’ idiot!"