FEAST-IVALS FEATURE INCREDIBLE EDIBLES

BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL

Perhaps it’s the arctic weather or maybe I’m going through a midlife masochistic phase, but for the past couple of months, I’ve had an insatiable appetite for hot wings. Now normally, I’m a wimpy-palated mild wings gal – anything spicier is a belly bomb with a very short fuse – but such is my newfound fervor that even the pleasantly piquant punch of medium wings makes taste buds scoff derisively.

So I set out to find the towering inferno of hot wing recipes and in doing so, stumbled upon a shindig that takes place the first weekend in Albuquerque called the National Fiery Foods & Barbecue Show (http://www.fiery-foods.com). After perusing a dossier of dishes that sounded more like a punk band lineup – Scorned Woman, Widow Maker and Hot … er, “female dog” at the Beach, among others – I decided maybe I don’t have a Teflon tongue after all.

Wondering just what other questionable concoctions people are willing to toss down their gullets, I turned my deep-fried dreams into a fest quest, a foray to find freaky food fiestas across the country. What I discovered was … well, let’s just say that if the adage, “You are what you eat,” is true, the folks who frequent these far-out festivals are buggy, gritty and just plain nuts.

Here’s a smorgasbord of strange snack celebrations sure to surprise, shock, satisfy … or sicken:

Rattlesnake Round-Up – Sweetwater, Texas
http://www.rattlesnakeroundup.net
March 11-14
The dish du jour is fried Western Diamondback rattlesnake, which I hear has a real bite to it. Events include the Miss Snake Charmer Pageant, snake-handling shows and a snake meat-eating contest, which I’ll bet is hiss-terical to watch.

The World Grits Festival – April 16-18, St. George, S.C.
http://www.worldgritsfestival.com
Inspired by the 1985 discovery that the residents of St. George consumed more grits per capita than any other place in the world, the fest is highlighted by a rolling-in the-grits contest. I reckon that’s one way to sow your wild oats.

SPAM Jam – April 24, Waikiki, Hawaii
http://www.spamjamhawaii.com
A yearly block party so big it shuts down the city’s main drag, SPAM Jam has spawned such creative cuisine as SPAM Cabbage and Garlic Spaghettine, SPAM Nachos and Guava Mango BBQ SPAM Sliders. Personally, I’d rather sacrifice the canned, jellied meat (it IS meat, right?) to the volcano gods.

RoadKill Cook-off – Sept. 25, Marlinton, W.Va.
http://www.pccocwv.com/festival.htm
Dishes don’t have to be made from actual roadkill, they’re merely required to include critters commonly found dead on the side of the road as their main ingredient. There’s also the crowning of Miss WV Roadkill, who I hear was so nervous last year, she froze like a deer in headlights.

Bugfest – Sept. 25, Raleigh, N.C.
http://www.bugfest.org
You can literally rustle up some grub(s) at Bugfest, where the delicacies include Ant-Chiladas and chocolate chirp cookies made with crickets.

Turkey Testicle Festival – Near Thanksgiving, Huntley, Ill.
http://www.huntleyturkeytesticlefestival.com
As if Tom Turkey didn’t have enough to worry about. I’ll stick to the parts of the bird that flap or trot, thank you!