BARACK AROUND THE CLOCK!

BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL

Ten days ago, hundreds of millions of Americans witnessed history in the making.

They braved blistering cold to swarm Washington D.C.'s National Mall for a firsthand experience of the event. They braved beer-sticky floors to congregate in bars with big-screen televisions. They braved cranky grandmas upset about the pre-empting of “The Price is Right” to gather in living rooms across the country.

Casting aside such divisions as gender, age, religion, race, creed and color, people from all walks of life united to celebrate a momentous first in this great nation of ours: The swearing-in of the first U.S. president with a six-pack. And I don't mean Bud Light.

Of course, I'm kidding. You'd have to pretty much be living with wolves to not know what happened in our nation's capital on Jan. 20, 2009 ... because wolves only have analog TV and reception in those caves is terrible.

We call George Washington "The Father of His Country." JFK was crowned "The King of Camelot." In Ronald Reagan, we had a cowboy president. Now meet Barack Obama: Presidential pop star.

No, he's not a pop star in the most familiar sense of the term – I'm sure his daughters are far more enthralled by the Jonas Brothers' singing than their dad's – but remember, the "pop" part of the phrase is short for "popular," which Obama undeniably is. Plus there's John McCain's now-infamous comparison of Obama to Britney Spears (they even had the same haircut at one point). If that's not indicative enough of Obama’s seamless assimilation into the pop-culture world, he’s also the first sitting president to use e-mail, as well as an admitted Blackberry addict. In fact, I hear the original draft of his inaugural speech began, "My fellow citizens: OMG, u guyz! I <3 u all!"

But seriously … you can scarcely make it through the checkout line without Obama’s pearly whites blinding you from at least 263 magazine covers, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that the new prez someday might have his own television network – B.O.-TV, if you will. I’ve already got a few programming suggestions:

In the reality show "Barack of Love," Obama helps a washed-up rock singer find Ms. Right ... or at least Ms. Right-Now.

"O'Bamba" stars the new Head of State as a 1950's rock singer who dies in a tragic accident at the pinnacle of his musical career. Lou Diamond Phillips has a cameo as Roadie No. 3.

While incarcerated, a young man is introduced to politics by his cellmate, a disgraced ex-senator. Upon his release, he uses the lessons he learned in the Big House to land the top spot in the White House. Obama is the Commander-in-Chief in (dramatic pause) "Jailhouse Barack."

And now, our feature presentation: With every wedding comes a few surprises and "'Bama Mia!" is one trip down the aisle you'll never forget ... especially after hearing the 44th president belt out ABBA's "Dancing Queen."