REMAKING ‘ROCKY’? OH, THE HORROR!

BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL

It was great when it all began. I was a regular Frankie fan. But it was over when they had the plan … to start working on a remake.

Those who have experienced the midnight madness of chanting “Lips! Lips! Lips!” and doing the “Time Warp” will recognize that paraphrased verse from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” – simply “Rocky” to fans – the B-movie spoof with the longest-running theatrical release in cinema history.

Since “Rocky” opened in 1975, millions of fans have flocked to theaters around the world dressed as the movie’s characters – “sweet transvestite” Dr. Frank N. Furter, servants Riff-Raff and Magenta, and squeaky-voiced Columbia, among others. Now MTV is looking to cash in on that cult following with a made-for-TV remake.

And I thought “Flavor of Love” was their worst idea.

Using the original screenplay by Jim Sharman and Richard “Riff-Raff” O'Brien, who’s declined to give his blessing, the revamp will be produced by original “Rocky” executive producer Lou Adler. (Cough-sellout-cough!)

As a former fan club member who did my 11th grade speech class report on “Rocky,” I am not amused. Neither are the devotees who have mounted a campaign against the TV movie at www.stoptheremake.com.

For the uninitiated (“virgins” in fan lingo), “Rocky” is a so-bad-it’s-brilliant hodgepodge of camp, sci-fi, rock’n’roll and debauchery the likes of which cannot be sufficiently captured within the confines of this column. Just take my word when I say Tim Curry looks disturbingly hot in fishnet stockings.

But the real story is the fans. “Rocky” spawned a subculture that’s been the subject of countless print and broadcast news items. Donning costumes and acting out scenes, moviegoers have “remade” the film every weekend for the past three decades. Audience participation is obligatory at “Rocky,” one of the few movies where talking back to the screen not only is accepted but encouraged. Thanks to a cool big brother, I already knew the lines to yell (plus many unprintable ones I learned on my own) before my first “Rocky” outing in June 1981 – coincidentally, the same year MTV debuted.

Apparently, MTV is unclear on the concept of “cult films,” which by definition are innovative and non-mainstream – two phrases that no longer describe MTV, which is far more “TV” than “M” these days. Many cult films, including “Rocky,” were commercial and critical flops before avid fans made them underground hits. How, then, can the filmmakers recapture a magic that was purely accidental?

And how will they work modern technology into what was decidedly a period piece? With the advent of cell phones and GPS, Brad and Janet no longer have an excuse for being lost or needing to use Frank N. Furter’s phone. Furthermore, how will they finesse the original’s numerous indiscriminate couplings in this era of safe sex?

No casting decisions have been revealed, but with MTV at the helm, we could very well see Frank N. Furter as interpreted by Justin Timberlake. Though I gotta admit, he does look disturbingly hot in fishnets. *

* OK, so those aren't fishnets in the linked photo, but glossy nylons = close enough!