Friday, July 18, 2008



With leggings, wraparound shades and man-perms on the comeback, it makes sense that a show starring two of the biggest teen idols of the 1980s is a hit with the 18-49 demographic. "The Two Coreys" features longtime friends Feldman and Haim, once among Hollywood’s fastest-living, hardest-partying young actors. Older, wiser and with smaller hair, the lost-but-now-found boys are sharing a house and their deepest secrets with millions of reality television junkies.

Why stop with the Coreys? Why not make "A&E" stand for "All Eighties" – as in "All-Eighties-All-Reality-All-The-Time"? The decade is a glorious junkyard littered with pop-culture castoffs, has-beens, never-weres and long-forgotten-abouts … they’d never run out of subjects! I don’t know about you, but I’d definitely spend an hour catching up on what John Oates’ mustache has been doing since 1987!

I’m not the only one who’d tune in. An email survey of respected experts (translation: friends who spent the 80s like I did: on their couches) revealed that not only are folks nostalgic for the era when everyone was "Footloose" and girls just wanted to have fun, they’ve got some pretty intriguing ideas as well:

"Get the cast of 'The Cosby Show' back together. I think they all left hating each other, so that could be some good TV. Cosby and Lisa Bonet could finally have it out. Rudy, all grown up, could have a show-mance with her TV brother.
" – Sandy Newman, 42, Miamisburg.

"I'd like to see the original cast of 'The Facts of Life' on something akin to 'Survivor.' Tootie would kick some serious butt, but Natalie would win 'cause that girl, she just knew how to play sides. Plus, wouldn't it be fun to see Blair have to go without a blow dryer?" – Tonija Allman, 36, Palmdale Calif.

"Cyndi Lauper. She seems so (bleeping) cheerful all the time. I'd like to see her (ticked) off and yelling – with rainbow hair, assuming it hasn't all fallen out. I'd like to see her be rude to people who recognized her in the supermarket – or weep with gratitude." – Kim Rawley, “old enough to remember the 80s,” Palmdale, Calif.

"Whatever happened to that little girl from 'Small Wonder'? I watched the show and it ain’t no small wonder her career went into the crapper." – Sal Chavez, 36, Hawthorne, Calif.

"I would love a reality show with Axl Rose – that’s a volatile character! Remember when Axl and Tommy Hilfiger duked it out a few years ago? They could set up a rematch, a UFC cage match. It could be a charity fundraiser; the money could go to the Axl’s Kids Fund, an organization that assists has-been metal singers who need to get a life!" – DJ Tim Dylan, Mix 107.7’s (WMMX) “Saturday Night Mix” live from Julia’s Nite Club, Centerville.

Personally, I think Corey Feldman, who co-produces
"The Two Coreys," should track down his fellow "Goonies" for a reality reunion. If nothing else, it’d be worth it to see 34-year-old Chunk do the "Truffle Shuffle."

Friday, July 04, 2008



It was 232 years ago today that John Hancock put pen to parchment and proclaimed, “There! I reckon that near-sighted rascal King George won’t have any trouble seeing THAT!” From that momentous occasion on July 4, 1776, Independence Day has evolved into a nationwide celebration marked by patriotism and parades, food and festivities, and of course, fireworks.

Before you get your party on, there’s an important rule everyone should keep in mind: Safety is Job One. So remember: It’s a grill, not a bonfire. Use sunscreen. No horseplay in the pool. And most importantly, “fat pants” are a must at any backyard barbecue. Having a button fly off your overstretched Levi’s at warp-speed is not only embarrassing, but someone could lose an eye. There’s nothing like a disfiguring wardrobe malfunction to kill the mood of a family gathering.

But seriously, folks, let’s try to take the number of Fourth of July injuries down to a record low this year. Have fun, be safe, sane and sensible, and thank your lucky stars (and stripes) that these decidedly dangerous fireworks and aerial displays are not available in any stores:

* Yankee Doodle Dandruff

* Couch-on-Fire, Hidden Dragon

* Ramen Candles

* Kanye's Inferno

* Harry Potter and the Chamber of Second-Degree Burns

* Recurring Hot Flashes

* Flaming Mustard Gas – Available in Dijon or Grey Poupon

* Suppository Snakes

* Spiro-Pyro-Graph

* "Hey, Y'all ... Watch This!" The Build-It-Yourself Missile Kit

* Scars and Stripes Forever

* Nuclear Winter Wonderland

* Grampa's Old-Fashioned Cigarettes ‘n’ Oxygen Tent

* Fire-n-brimstone-crackers

* Retina Detachers

* Pop-a-razzi!

* Wheel of Misfortune

* Weapons of Rather Unimpressive Destruction

* The Four Fountains of the Apocalypse

* The Laser Gazer – It’s a light show and eye surgery all in one!

* Nostril Flares

* Grenade Roulette – Is it live or is it a dud? Only time will tell!

* Compton Crossfire

* The Naomi Campbell Public Meltdown

* Hasbro’s Exploding Lite-Brite™

* Microwave ‘n’ Tinfoil Economy-Pak

* Whiskey Bottle Rockets

* Elvis Presley’s Hunka-Hunka Burnin’ Lava

* Blistered Arm-ageddon

* Scented smoke bombs – Aromas include Savory Sulfur, Chokecherry and Dismember-mint

* Manhole Manglers

* The Sky-Tanic – Complete with Leonardo DiCaprio action figure!

* Taser-Dodge

* The Zit-Geyser

* Pin the Fuse on the Donkey

* Amber Waves of Pain

* The ThighMaster™ Friction Sparkler Show

* Traffic Cone Volcano

* The Star-Spangled Tanner – Emits intense UV rays that give you that St. Tropez tan in 10 seconds or less! (Warning: Do not watch display for more than 10 seconds.)

* The Black Widowmaker

* Disco Fireball

* Flying Finger Flambé

* The Spirit of Seventy Bics – Comes with eight-track tape of "Free Bird"!