BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL

It’s officially autumn, and in anticipation of the day Jack Frost comes nipping at their noses, folks are squeezing out the last drops of summer in any way possible – last-minute canoeing excursions, barbecues, picnics, campouts, and of course, road trips. And no road trip longer than a couple of hours is complete without its own soundtrack.

There are road-ready songs like “Cruisin’” (Smokey Robinson); “Truckin'“ (Grateful Dead); “Running on Empty” (Jackson Browne); and the quintessential traveling trilogy, “Freebird” (Lynyrd Skynyrd), “Born to Run” (Bruce Springsteen) and “Born to Be Wild” (Steppenwolf.) While classics like these are worthy of any sojourner’s soundtrack, they’re also as obvious as a two-mile tailgater. So I dug deep into my music collection, which includes cassettes, 45’s and albums (you youngsters can email me for an explanation of those), to compile this list of 50 songs to get you tuned up for the road.

To stave off the phalanx of emails about songs I’ve overlooked (on second thought, phalanx away; maybe I’ll use ‘em in a column farther down the road – ha!), I’m sticking to tunes with titles referring specifically to surfaces paved for motor vehicle travel and/or the act of navigating said surfaces.

So, without further stalling (I slay me!), get your motors and your iPods runnin’ with this playlist:

1. “On the Road Again” (Willie Nelson)
2. “Hit the Road, Jack” (Ray Charles)
3. “Road Trippin'” (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
4. “The Road's My Middle Name” (Bonnie Raitt)
5. “Middle Of The Road” (Pretenders)
6. “Long and Winding Road” (The Beatles)
7. “The Road” (Jackson Browne)
8. “Holiday Road” (Lindsay Buckingham)
9. “King of the Road” (Roger Miller)
10. “Hit The Road & Go” (Johnny Cash)
11. “Hard Road to Travel” (Jimmy Cliff)
12. “There's a Rugged Road” (Shawn Colvin)
13. “Farther On Up The Road” (Bobby “Blue” Bland)
14. “Crossroads” (Eric Clapton)
15. “Road Back Home Again” (Cornershop)
16. “Road Buddy” (Dar Williams)
17. “Take Me Home, Country Roads” (John Denver)
18. “Open Road Song” (Eve 6)
19. “Road to Nowhere” (Talking Heads)
20. “Car Wheels on a Gravel Road” (Lucinda Williams)
21. “Ease on Down the Road” (From “The Wiz,” Diana Ross and Michael Jackson)
22. “Refuge of the Roads” (Joni Mitchell)
23. “Highway Song” (Blackfoot)
24. “Everyday is a Winding Road” (Sheryl Crow)
25. “Living on the Open Road” (Delaney and Bonnie)
26. “Rockin' Down the Highway” (Doobie Brothers)
27. “Roll On Down the Highway” (Bachman-Turner Overdrive)
28. “Endless Highway” (The Band)
29. “Lost Highway” (Bon Jovi)
30. “Three County Highway” (Indigo Girls)
31. “Queen of the Highway” (The Doors)
32. “Down the Highway” (Bob Dylan)
33. “This Highway's Mine” (Steve Earle)
34. “Lord of the Highway” (Joe Ely)
35. “Highway Chile” (Jimi Hendrix)
36. “Highway Blues” (Lightnin' Hopkins)
37. “Life is a Highway” (Tom Cochrane)
38. “Blue Highway” (Billy Idol)
39. “Ghost Towns Along the Highway” (John Mellencamp)
40. “Freeway of Love” (Aretha Franklin)
41. “Drive My Car” (The Beatles)
42. “Shut Up and Drive” (Rihanna) - Also known as “What Dad Says to Mom When She Insists on Stopping to Ask for Directions.”
43. “I Can't Drive 55” (Sammy Hagar)
44. “I Drove All Night” (Roy Orbison)
45. “Drivin’ My Life Away” (Eddie Rabbitt)
46. “Driving in the U.S. of A.” (Guided By Voices)
47. “Driving” (PJ Harvey)
48. “Driver's Seat” (Sniff ‘n’ The Tears)
49. “Behind the Wheel” (Depeche Mode)
50. “Jesus, Take the Wheel” (Carrie Underwood) - Also known as “What Mom Says to Dad After Three Hours of Him Yelling, “What the #&@*? Get Over! You’re Gonna Miss the Exit!”

NO VALENTINE? IT’S NOT THE KISS OF DEATH

BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL
(SAYS ‘I LOVE YOU’ ALL YEAR ROUND)

Valentine’s Day … oh, the images those two words evoke! Lovers gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes, heart-shaped boxes brimming with chocolaty goodness, long-stemmed roses and the trill of love in the air!

For some, however, ‘tis a day of dread, a reminder that the only person gazing in their eyes is the one in the mirror as they mourn a lost or not-yet-found love. Cheer up, mopey - being single on Valentine's Day isn't the end of the world. If it were, Cupid would have fallen on his own arrow by now!

For those single by choice, it’s like Independence Day, a celebration of the freedom to gaze openly at whomever they want without having to sleep on the couch later! For those who view marriage as an institution to which they never want to be committed, it’s apt that Valentine’s Day is named after a guy who was imprisoned and sentenced to death.

Whatever their reasons for being uncoupled, singletons have one thing in common: Being overlooked on Valentine’s Day, even on the airwaves, where they’re subjected to Lionel Richie promising his endless love and Sting vowing, in stalker fashion, that every breath you take, he’ll be watching you.

Paul McCartney had it all wrong – some people HAVE had enough of silly love songs. If you fall into that category, here’s a bouquet of lovelorn laments and caustic kiss-offs for your commiseration or celebration:

1. “All I Want From You (Is Away)” – Loretta Lynn

2. “Anti Love Song” – Lenny Kravitz

3. “Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)” - Mötley Crüe

4. “Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart” - Johnny Cash

5. “Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ('Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye)” - Ray Stevens

6. “Hate Everything About You” - Ugly Kid Joe

7. “Have a Nice Rest of Your Life” – Randy Travis

8. “Heartbreak Hotel” - Elvis Presley

9. “I Don’t Want You Back” – Eamon (Explicit lyrics)

10. “If The Phone Don't Ring, It's Me” - Jimmy Buffett

11. “If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?” - Mayday Parade

12. “I’m Gonna Forget About You” – Sam Cooke

13. “Kiss This” - Aaron Tippin

14. “Love Bites – Def Leppard

15. “Love Don't Live Here Anymore” - Rose Royce

16. “Love is a Losing Game – Amy Winehouse

17. “Love Stinks” - J. Geils Band

18. “Not Tonight (I Have a Heartache)” - George Thorogood

19. “Since You've Been Gone” - Weird Al Yankovic (“It couldn't hurt any more if you shoved a red-hot cactus up my nose!”)

20. “Sleeping Single in a Double Bed” - Barbara Mandrell

21. “Song For the Dumped” - Ben Folds Five

22. “Tainted Love” - Soft Cell

23. “Take Your Love and Shove it”- Joe Pesci (Yes, THAT Joe Pesci.)

24. “Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone” - Roy Clark

25. “The Last Word in Lonesome is Me” - Roger Miller

26. “What Part of ‘No’ Don't You Understand?” - Lorrie Morgan

27. “Where Did Our Love Go? ” – The Supremes

28. “Without You” - Nilsson

29. “You Hurt Me (And I Hate You)” – Eurythmics

30. “You've Lost That Loving Feeling” - Righteous Brothers

STUPID IS AS STUPID DUHS

BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL

There are no stupid questions. At least that’s what our parents assured us as children. But like the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and “Your face is gonna freeze that way,” it was just another of those little white lies adults tell kids because harmless fibs are cheaper than the therapy we’d need after being called stupid.

If you believe there are no stupid questions, just turn on the radio. Recently, I was rocking out to The Clash – "Should I stay or should I go now? If I stay there will be trouble, if I go it will be double" – a song I’d heard countless times in the past 20-plus years, but never deeply contemplated. Let’s see … staying = an indeterminate amount of trouble, while going = even more trouble. That’s like saying, "If I stay, my girlfriend will burn my clothes, but if I go, she’ll burn my clothes with me IN them." Given the options, this seems like a no-brainer. (P.S. He ultimately left her, lived to tell and scored a No. 1 hit in the process.)

It doesn’t matter if you dig classic rock, Top 40, R&B, country or post-nuclear techno-cabaret, insipid inquiries transcend genre and generation. For instance:

* "The Way I Are," Timbaland: "Can you handle me the way I are?" – Does he have multiple personalities or just bad grammar? Either way, I can’t handle this song the way it am.

* "On the Bus," Destiny's Child featuring Timbaland: "Why you sleepin' with ya eyes closed?" – Probably because I’m not a goldfish.

* "Earth Song," Michael Jackson: "What about elephants, have we lost their trust?" – I reckon that depends on what the elephants have heard from the pre-teen boys, Mike.

* "Pinball Wizard," (The Who): "How do you think he does it? I don’t know!" – In the verse and chorus preceding this line, it is explained that the Pinball Wizard "does it" by intuition and sense of smell, not to mention he’s got such a supple wrist and crazy flipper fingers. Pete Townshend presented the answer before the question, which is fine … if you’re playing "Jeopardy."

* "Sk8tr Boi," Avril Lavigne: "He was a boy, she was a girl … can I make it any more obvious?" – A pointless question, as gender differences are usually obvious to begin with. But apparently, Avril felt the need to elaborate and continued singing for more than three minutes. Had she realized the folly of her query, the song would have ended after that opening line – a monumental improvement, in my opinion.

* "Hero," Enrique Iglesias: "Would you tremble if I touched your lips?" – Tremble? No. Feel incredibly creeped out and in immediate need of lip sanitizer? You bet.

* "You Really Want to Hurt Me?," Culture Club: "Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?" – Oh, Boy George … can I make it any more obvious?

HIGH SCHOOL (GEOGRAPHY) MUSICAL 2

BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL

I've always been something of a geography buff. As a kid, I cherished my Atlases more than Barbies because if I needed to find a particular city, state or country, the only place Barbie could point me to was Malibu.

I awaited my parents' annual AAA membership renewal the way most kids anticipated Santa's arrival. Toys break, but maps last forever! And I aced Ms. Clark's ninth-grade geography class despite spending much of the period passing notes to my best friend (who got a D).

It saddens me to see how few people today seem to value geography, a fact recently driven home by a young friend who was surprised to learn that the "state of New Orleans" is actually a city in Louisiana.

Don't take geography for granted. It can equip you with valuable skills you'll need later in life — like, "George Eats Old Grey Rats And Paints Houses Yellow," which won't help you pass geography, but it will teach you how to at least spell it. A little geography know-how also goes a long way when it comes to map-reading — or as we ladies like to call it, "asking for directions."

Even stronger than my geography jones is my love of music, which probably explains why I know so many songs about geographical locations — and why I took another online message board user to task for including The Rolling Stones' "Sweet Virginia" in a list of tunes about U.S. states. Fact: It's about a girl, not our 10th state.

Anyhoo, let's continue the list I began in my last column featuring songs about Alabama through Massachusetts. Many of these were culled from my own collection and the musical Atlas in my brain, while others required extensive Internet research 'cause there ain't exactly a catalog of songs about Utah.

Without further ado, here's Michigan through Wyoming ... plus one to grow on:

* Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Especially in Michigan"

* Weird Al Yankovic, "Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota"

* Mountain, "Mississippi Queen"

* Ringo Starr, "Missouri Loves Company"

* Frank Zappa, "Montana"

* Bruce Springsteen, "Nebraska"

* Mark Knopfler, "Sands of Nevada"

* Sonic Youth, "New Hampshire"

* John Gorka, "I'm From New Jersey" ("It's like Ohio, but even more so.")

* Jill Sobule, "Somewhere in New Mexico"

* Billy Joel, "New York State of Mind"

* Melissa Ferrick, "North Carolina"

* Lyle Lovett, "North Dakota"

* Damien Jurado, "Ohio"

* Vince Gill, "Oklahoma Rising"

* Loretta Lynn, "Portland, Oregon"

* Glenn Miller Orchestra, "Pennsylvania 6-5000" (Also covered by the Brian Setzer Orchestra)

* Ike & Tina Turner, "Sweet Rhode Island Red"

* Archers of Loaf, "South Carolina"

* Liz Phair, "South Dakota"

* Arrested Development, "Tennessee"

* George Strait, "All My Exes Live in Texas"

* Camper Van Beethoven, "The History of Utah"

* Billie Holiday, "Moonlight in Vermont"

* Blessid Union of Souls, "Oh Virginia"

* Woody Guthrie, "Washington Talkin' Blues"

* Neil Sedaka "Wheeling, West Virginia"

* The Dead Milkmen, "I'm Living in Wisconsin"

* John Denver, "Song of Wyoming"

** BONUS: Ellis Paul, "Washington, D.C. 5/91"

STATES OF THE ART

BY BELINDA M. PASCHAL

Seems Hurricane Fay wasn’t the only thing out to sea when I wrote my last column. In my sleep-deprived delirium, I forgot my ABC’s and omitted the letter F from my list of hurricane names. So, first things first:

* Hurricane Federline: An ill wind frontin’ like it’s got mad hurricane skillz.

There. I feel better. Now on to this week's subject …
In its quest to hip-up the state’s image, the Oklahoma Rock Song Advisory Panel has picked 10 nominees for its official state rock 'n' roll song, including JJ Cale's "After Midnight," Leon Russell's "Home Sweet Oklahoma," Elvis Presley's "Heartbreak Hotel," and for cool-kid cred, The Flaming Lips' "Do You Realize?"

Personally, my first thought was Bruce Springsteen's "My Oklahoma Home," but the line, "When I bent and kissed her, she was picked up by a twister" ain't exactly a ringing endorsement for tourism. My second thought was, "The Flaming Lips is a really stupid name for a band."

Then my thoughts turned to Ohio-oriented tunes. Of course, there's our official rock song, The McCoys' "Hang On, Sloopy," inspired by a Steubenville woman who apparently lived in a very bad part of town where everybody tried to put her down. Then there's "Ohio," Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young's reaction to the 1970 Kent State shootings, and The Pretenders' "My City Was Gone," Chrissie Hynde's diatribe against pollution and commercial overgrowth in Akron, her hometown.

My next thought: "Man, are all songs about Ohio this depressing?" Thankfully, I was able to conjure up a tune that doesn’t make me want to hurl myself into a pit of starving piranhas: Randy Newman's "Dayton, Ohio 1903," is a charming vignette of a lazy Sunday in a simpler time: Sing a song of long ago/When things were green and movin’ slow/And people stopped to say hello.

Here's the first installment of my list of U.S.-themed tunes. Some are oldies, some are indies, some are obvious and others are obscure, but you’re sure to find something to suit your state of mind.

* Jimmy Buffett, "Stars Fell on Alabama"

* The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black, "Going to Alaska"

* Wilco, "Hotel Arizona"

* Michelle Shocked, "Arkansas Traveler"

* The Mamas & The Papas, "California Dreamin'"

* Johnny Cash, "You Wild Colorado"

* PrimeRib, "Rock 'n' Roll Connecticut"

* Perry Como, "Delaware" (What did Delaware? She wore her New Jersey, boys!)

* Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band, "Florida Time"

* Gladys Knight & The Pips, "Midnight Train to Georgia"

* Elvis Presley, "Blue Hawaii"

* B52's, "Private Idaho"

* Dan Fogelberg, "Illinois"

* Jackson 5, "Goin' Back to Indiana"

* Dar Williams, "Iowa (Traveling III)"

* Ashanti, "Kansas"

* Neil Diamond, "Kentucky Woman"

* John Lee Hooker, "Goin' to Louisiana"

* John Linnell (of They Might Be Giants), "Maine" (from the album, State Songs, on which 15 of 16 tracks are named for U.S. states)

* Vonda Shepard, "Maryland"

* The BeeGees, "Massachusetts"

Tune in next time for Michigan through Washington. And don't worry about omissions … I've hired a couple of first-graders to sing the alphabet while I type.